Break, brake, and/or accelerate?

    So here I come after such a long time in silence. To be honest, I forgot about this little thinking corner of mine. 

    I quit my job this summer at the Consular school. It has been a wonderful, WONDERFUL time, all those 6 years with the kids and I'm sure in September I'll be silently screaming for just a little more time with them. 

    How cute this is, right? My pupil wrote me 8 days after our last meeting. She says so heartwarming things I melted right away and wanted to hug the World. I am so grateful to be a teacher!

    But I decided to move on, and hold hands with my future self - now I just hope that I didn't release my old self too soon because I still look for something to hang on to.

    For months I studied German at a great local language school and passed my first exam with no problem (B1), and frankly... after fitting into my group, I damn enjoyed the whole process!

    Then I found an opportunity to work again, starting soon, still in education. When I applied for it, I thought - and everyone else too - that THIS IS IT. This has been sent by destiny, I'm just the right one for this role. I was so enthusiastic... I wrote my letter almost eagerly, to show that the job description of it almost called my name. I felt like I could not blow this up! And I was so happy when I got my first email and the first positive responses about my application, cv, experiences, etc.

    I had two interviews (one I felt excellent and one "okay, been better"), and after... no responses, even when I asked for it in an extra email. What happened, I don't know, but it made me think and had just way too many ideas. 

    First, of course: what have I done? or said? or not done or not said? What's missing? Or have they done some research about me and found something that's not sufficient if their eyes? (Even A. said that is not possible...)

    And then: do I fit in even, really? Are they looking for someone with my experience? Maybe a rookie would fit better because he/she is more adjustable, or? Do I fit in there, if I can't even imagine to avoid responding such an email I wrote about their decision? (In my eye, it's such a great value to respect everyone on any level this much...) What if they don't share this opinion?

    And finally... again... what if it comes from me? What if they see on me, that I'm not desperate? I'm not craving for this job or any kind of job?! I'm just looking for my place in the world, I would like to find that space where I - like a puzzle piece - fit in perfectly. Where I can help kids and support the rest of the school staff, where I can make people happy and feel safe and great, and where I can go on with all the development that's imaginable for me. where I can use all the languages I've ever learned and meet new cultures by others around me... What if they don't see this, how brilliantly simple I match with this position?!

So... if they don't, then I have to leave this opportunity and have to find my way further. Let's see how it goes.

Burnout

"Anyway, like I was saying, I had a lot of company. My Momma always said you got to put the past behind you before you can move on. And I think that's what my running was all about. I had run for three years, two months, fourteen days, and sixteen hours...  And just like that, my running days was over."

Ha bárkinek nem lett volna egyértelmű, ez a Forrest Gump című örökbecsű film szövegéből egy kis részlet, egy igen szuper jelenetből, amikor Forrest egyszercsak abbahagyja a futást. Kiég, elfárad.
De közben... hogyan is nézhetnénk ezt a jelenetet szomorú szemmel? Hiszen olyan szellemesen egyszerű módon fejezte ki magát, olyan találóan, akár ha egymagában is ezt a pár sort/pillanatot nézzük, akár az egészet, akkor is olyan...biztató.

Örökségek

Épp most olvastam a legutóbb megjelent Vekerdy-interjút, és mint annyi interjú és a könyvei olvasása után is megint eszembe furakodik egy gondolat, amelyet - milyen természetesnek tűnik ezt leírni - szorongás övez.
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De hiszen én imádom az iskolát!